...MeMoRi...

...yAnG pErGi...

setiap yg berlaku asti ade sebab dan musababnye...mungkin post kali ni agak personal tp sekadar untuk dikongsi bersama...

tanggal 19 Jun 2010...kami sekeluarga dikhabarkn berita pemergian allahyarham zalal bin kasbullah atau lebih mesra dipanggil pak ndak..

agak berat untuk menulis .... tapi x pe..kenangan yg indah harus dikongsi bersama...

asalnya wawa akan balik ke semenyih hari tu nak bas sebelah mlm...mama agak excited nak perap ayam utk mkn2 n bg wawa bawak belak balik...tapi..segalnya berubah...

khabar nye pak ndak demam...sape th dgn demam biase boleh bawa maut...sayat hati bile dgr dan lihat air muka mak ndak dan abg faisal...nizam ape lg langsung x buka mulut...sedih ...sungguh rasa hati x siapa yg th...

berita mengejut yg diterima buat mama hilang semangat tiba2...pada mulanye mama nak balik sorg..tp papa x bg...disini ain dapat lihat bagaimana fitrah manusia...walau pun byk hal agak berat dan susah utk berkomunikasi dgn papa tp hari tu jelaskan segalanya...papa terus minta cuti dan servis kereta yg mane patut...petang tu jugak kami bertolak..

dalam perjlanan...papa bwk kereta lebih 100km/j...memang biasa tp mlm tu agak luar biasa...mama x henti2 menangis kdg2 termenung..paling tidak tidur...ada jugak layan papa borak utk hilangkn ngantuk...ain kat belakang masih x percaya dgn ape yg berkalu...arwah wan baru je pergi lebih kurang 2 bln lepas ni pak ndak pulak...

sampai je kat area gua musang ain msg k.lang tanye ape perkembangan...k.lang cakap postmortem terpaksa buat esok sbb arwah meninggal dlm perjalnan n x de doktor utk buat autopsi...ain bg th mama...n then papa call pak long utk confirmkn...betullah ...mcm yg k.lang cakap...papa yg pada mulanye bawak kete 100 turun 90...80...then tanye nak berenti mkn dulu x...ali ape lg jawab la perut adik da bunyi....mase tu dpt tgk muka suram mama senyum...bekal yg dibawa x habis...masing2 mkn sekadar alas perut je..

ape2 pun perjalanan diteruskan..

sampai je area puchong around 3 pagi...masing2 jarang pg umh pak ndak...pusing2 la...cari tangki air...pusing2 sampai ulang tpt sama 2 3 kali..last sekali call acik...

sampai2 tgk muka abang faisal ...mase die salam ngan mama n papa die nangis..sedih tgk..pastu mama cari mak ndak ..kate kila mak ndak baru tido...then terjaga...mama tanye ape jd...mak ndak pun cite...

arwah mengadu bdn x sedap lepas balik keje...selalunye arwah tido kat atas tp mlm tu die tido bwh sebelah abg faisal...esokkan pagi keadaannye makin nampak x chat...jd m.ndak n abg faisal pun anta ke hospital..dari dlm kete lg mak ndak ckp da rasa lain..tangan arwah terkulai layu kalo x pegang...

tapi tuhan lebih menyayangi beliau...sebaik saja sampai arwah disahkan meninggal...abg faisal call pak long n pakngah...bg th hal tu...ain yg dgr mcm dlm mimpi...

arwah sgt manje bak kate mama...manja ngan arwah wan manje ngan mama...pak long plak ckap die la satu2 nye adik yg selalu call die tanye khabar...setiap minggu...pasti ade satu call...ucu ade bg th arwah ade dtg kedai die ..2 3 kali..dtg saje2...mcm menjenguk..lepas tu balik...ucu nora ade cakap selalu kalo arwah dtg die akan tanye kat ira anak ucu dgn panggilan 'ucuk andak mane'...tp kunjungan die x mcm selalu...

esokkn harinye..mama, papa, acik, abg.khairul, abg.faisal n mak ndak pg hospital utk postmortem n police report...kami yg kat umh kemas umh...sediakan bunga rampai n daun pandan utk alas arwah nant...kak ita yg ajar memandangkan mase arwah wan dulu die belajar dari org2 kampung...

kalo diikutkn mak ndak nak arwah balik umh dulu buat kali yg terakhir..tp atas permintaan khairiah tepatan seeloknye dibawak terus ke surau nak2 lagi arwah da ade semalaman di hospital...mama sempat tgk arwah dgn lebih dekat sebelum autopsi lg..sama jugak dgn yg lain2...

kami yg dirumah bergerak pergi ke surau...sambil menunggu ade yg bc yasin..tp ape yg paling buat ain rasa kagum..ramai sgt org yg datang..walaupun surau tu sederhana besarnye...org2 yg dtg kebykkannye kawan2 arwah dr tpt keje baru n lama..seblm disembahyangkn..kami semua di benarkan utk melihat wajah arwah buat kali terakhir... paling sayu sekali bile tgk mak ndak, nizam, nazreen, ika n last sekali abg faisal...mama x berenti2 air mata mengalir...ain x dpt nak cium..same mcm arwah wan dulu rase mcm semlm baru bergurau ngn pak ndak..maklumlah arwah suke menyakat org, mesra n ramah mulut...

selesai sembahyg ..kami ikut kereta jenazah ke tanak perkuburan...kat situ abg.faisal, nizam, abg.khairul n seorg wakil masjid da siap sedia didlm kubur...saat jenazah dimasukkan..ika menangis kuat mungkin x de sapa yg dgr tp ain ade kat sblh die...budak kecik baru darjah 3 ...hanye tuhan yg th ape yg die rase dan fikirkan...

setelah semua urusan selesai..talkin dibace..org ramai yg hadir dari surau dan ade lg sebahagian yg dtg x nak lepaskan peluang utk bg pengormatan terakhir utk arwah...alhamdullillah..segalanye telah sempurna...rata2 sahabat andai semua bagaikan x percaya arwah sudah tiada...

post ni ain mana kan sebagai memori sebb arwah suka n minat sheila majid...sagt2 minat..jd ni salah satu tajuk lagu dari sheila majid...kenagan terakhir buat arwah pak ndak...

kami akan sentiasa merindui mase2 bersama pak ndak.semoga pak ndak baik2 saja disana...

setiap yg hidup akan kembali kepada penciptaNYA...

bagi sesiapa yg membaca post ni diharapkan dapat menyedekahkan al-fatihah dan sedikit doa ..semoga roh pak ndak kami dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan dikalangan org2 beriman serta renteramlah roh belau disana...AL-FATIHAH...

p/s: ijoy kakak minta maaf x dpt amek gambar arwah...k.ita cakap x elok...tp kakak ade gambar arwah mase kenduri arwah wan dulu nant kakak masukkn k...

..jUnE..

...EdDy..MaMa..eMi..

june is a special month for our family...edy had his birthday on 2nd june ..n mama on da 6th..hehehe..while emi up comin on 18th...

edy..kakak noe u had something inside u that u never revealed n something inside u that u just keep it inside u..just hold ur temper..n smile always..u noe when u were baby..u had da sweetest smile that i ever seen ... i love u...

mama..kakak love u so much...although sometimes i showed u my bad attitude....still u hold me till now..i noe u had lost wan ...but its not da endof ur responsibility as a child...pray for her n always remember her..insyaAllah she will be fined there...

emi...hehhehe..ur burfday is not yet..but still...i had trouble u read u mind n action..some times im lost with ur attitude..i noe we are not spendin time together alot..but dont hesitate to tell me anything..im all yours...not only for u but others also..i noe its hard to get something that u want..but i will try my best to provide u anything u need...kakak love u too...

this is y i think June is special..

...ReaL liFe sO haRd tO ObTaiN...

..bEtwEEn frEEdom n curfEw...

its hard to believe that a girl like me is tryin so hard to get out from house..its true although im actin innocent all da time at home...it just a matter of internal conflict from certain people...its hard to lost someone who had loved him / her so much..

as for me..its ok if da advice came directly or soft talk...but when it comes to something that i never do it..n it became so hard to be accepted...

i noe also ..im still under 'observation'.. huhu..

how do u feel....when u went out with ur old friends n then u got calls n sms..non stop from ur p****** n Bf...

it just like im a small kid who didnt noe how to survive in this world..

i noe lots of crimes happened towards children n women..

but still..if u noe how to avoid it then it should be ok...

im not tryin to be proud of myself that had trained taekwando for few years but still...i noe how to take good care of myself..

i just need some freedom n chance to proof that i can take care of myself...